But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
