Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
