they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
