wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
