Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
