so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
