I just saw a hot homeless man
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
