hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
