its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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