I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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