Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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