Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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