I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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