This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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