apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night