I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.