Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.