So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.