she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂