3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Whoâ€™ve Crapped Their Pants
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
21 People Confess What Itâ€™s Really Like At An Orgy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE