i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door