I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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