When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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