i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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