The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My feet surprised me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
