he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
