I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
