I faked an abortion last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
