for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize