you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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