summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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