He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize