i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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