Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
