MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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