So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
