Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
