There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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