i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
