OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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