yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
