i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
