i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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