Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
