And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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