is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
