It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
