i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
