I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
