Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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