So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
