I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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