Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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