I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
