Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
