when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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