i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
