He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
