i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
