This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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