Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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