After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
