omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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