glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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