WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
