i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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